I did some spring cleaning over the weekend, and I found some interesting communications, which I’ve posted in various places in my house over the years. I never thought it was a big deal that I’d typed some of them until my cousin, Shauna*, came to visit a couple of years ago, and she couldn’t stop laughing about the one over the washer, particularly, she said...because it was typed.
I’m on my computer all day long…and I work AT HOME, so when I think of something IMPORTANT I need to convey to my son, Max, for example, it’s just easier and faster to pen a memo via my PC since I type around 80-85 WPM… ☺.
Additionally, it seems the MEN in my household seem to NOTICE the typed edicts, shall we say, over the handwritten ones.
Anyway, after finding all these little gems, I thought I’d enlighten all of my wonderful readers as to the TRUE joy of living with TENACIOUS BITCH! 
Also, please be aware that EVERYONE’s names have been changed, in order to protect the privacy of others. I covered the original names with white address labels on certain notes and inserted their blogospheric names (i.e. the names I’ve assigned them for the purposes of this online journal)…
That said, in peace and light, I share these messages with you… ☺
Don’t you love the addition of my smiling photo?
I posted this note at the left at the beginning of my son, Max’s, senior year of high school (fall of 2010) on the kitchen cabinet beside the dishwasher. It lasted about a year until he tore it down one night in the wee hours…but he’s much better now. YEA me!
The aforementioned set of RULES over the washer were posted because of an incident with my older son, Tim. He moved back in with us temporarily after high school when he was 22ish, and one weekend he switched the temperature setting to HOT water to wash his whites and forgot to change it back.
Since I was unaccustomed to anyone using the washer besides me or my husband, who would NEVER wash anything in hot water, I didn’t notice that the settings had been changed. Thus, I washed an entire load of jeans and sweaters in HOT water…which, of course, resulted in a good bit of shrinkage. I’m thinking even a leprechaun would have difficulty getting into one particular pair of the jeans that were reduced to a large-ish Barbie doll size…
Anyway, said MANDATE reads:
I originally taped the warning below on Max’s bathroom door a couple of weeks ago when a friend of his from high school was coming to visit for a weekend, really nice girl named Jackie.
After reading the above note, Max felt so bad, he ACTUALLY cleaned his own bathroom! It wasn’t squeaky clean, but it was a little less like a Port-A-Potty… … I WIN!
After catching Max and his friend smoking weed on my back porch (much to my aggravation), I felt the note below was required just in case Max happened to see this little baggie while looking for a paper clip or a pencil or something in my credenza…
The catnip came with a bag of cat litter that Max’s ex-girlfriend, Sienna, bought when she was living with us for a short time, not that anyone ASKED about adding a CAT to our ‘lil zoo.
And this next one was a WARNING I posted this morning…and, yes, I will explain…
Okay, so this one doesn’t make sense unless you see this:
This glass chicken was a gift from my husband’s grandmother. It’s not exactly the kind of knick knack we would buy, and at first-we weren’t sure exactly what to do with it.
However, the chicken’s head was actually the lid to this fine culinary ornament, so we started storing our seasoning packets in it (taco seasoning and the like)…and this morning one of the animals in our brood knocked said chicken off the counter and broke it. I know who the guilty party is, but that’s a story for another post…I put the chicken in the broom closet because I didn’t know if my husband might want to try to glue it back together since it was a gift from his grandmother. However, he determined it wasn’t fixable, so the poor little glass clucker is now in the trash…
The next communique was written a couple of years ago after SOMEONE broke a very important rule, which prompted this note in my fridge just as the photo demonstrates:
EVERYONE in my house knows NOT to touch my Diet Pepsi EVER! I buy two or three 12 packs of Orange Crush and Mt. Dew and various brands that Max likes at least once a week. And since he was old enough to speak, I’ve impressed upon him that the Diet PEPSI is for no one but me…and if he or his brother wanted their own Diet Pepsi, they could merely get a job and BUY THEIR OWN. Otherwise, drink one of the other 2 dozen cans of pop in the cabinet.
However, I woke up one fateful morning sometime last year, and one of his buddies who had spent the night, had, in fact, STOLEN and consumed my last Diet Pepsi. Needless to say, I was none too happy to be toddling off to Kroger at the buttCRACK of 10 A.M. on Saturday morning to get more of my beloved cola before I began experiencing D.T.’s… I drafted the above announcement the next time one of Max’s friends slept over a few weeks later…
And LAST but not LEAST, this final message is a life-altering letter I wrote to a guy lived with for two years in the mid 90s. We split up about a year before I met Charlie. I found this DEAR JOHN in my closet with a box of old checks. Go figure…
I had originally taped it to a box of ASSHOLE’S collection of porn mags and other junk, which I had packed and left by the front door when he was out of town on business. That said, here it is:
You can’t see it on the uploaded version of this quasi-relationship eviction, but there’s a smiley face beside MOM at the very end of the FUCK OFF memo. And, no, to be clear her name wasn’t really Jane.
Jane/Whore HOUND was his ex-fiance, who apparently, he never stopped seeing after moving in with me. She sent him a dozen roses to MY HOUSE, which prompted my fingers to go strolling through his hard drive…
Guess he trusted me more than he should have, which is odd. Most cheaters assume EVERYONE else is stepping out as well, which makes them paranoid. Unless, ASSHOLE just forgot to put a password or something on the pics of Jane, sans clothes, in his haste to get out of town…
So, there you have it…small chunks of my life in MEMORANDUM…
Have a good day/evening, ALL!
Over and out from the mad, MAD MEMO Mamma!
TenaciousB/KS
* Shauna is mentioned in several posts, in particular, Post #30, An Ode To Barboursville and Post #31, An Ode To Barboursville, Part II.
